“Don’t cry, Be a big boy!”

So yesterday, I went on a mini twitter “rant” about one of the major things I have noticed while raising a son. A common phrase I hear parents say to their boys are ” I am not babying you,” and ” Don’t cry, be a big boy!” and I feel that our community has a hard time deciphering whatever they think “babying” is versus having emotional intelligence and nurturing a child.

It seems more widely acceptable for a baby girl to be able to cry and express her emotions, and when it comes to our boys and young men, from a young age they are conditioned to hide their emotions and not express them. Over the years, they will have probably heard that statement so much, they begin to unconsciously repress all of their emotions and eventually grow into emotionally unavailable men.

I understand that for most of us, our parenting skills and methods are based heavily on our childhood and how we were raised coming up. I mean what can you teach your child other than what you know and have been taught as “right?” – But at what point do we sit back and notice our own wounds that stemmed from childhood and realize which parenting methods could’ve been better, don’t work currently, and actually change them? Why is there such a negative stigma behind crying and releasing? Why is it okay for a child to express their happiness but not their sadness? How can we change this?

I’m still in the early stages of motherhood and I’m really big on letting my son express himself. He is not able to have full conversations with me or use words to express how he is feeling just yet, and sometimes all he has is his emotions. I feel that taking that away from him would be unfair. Imagine a world where you couldn’t express yourself or share your emotions?

One of my biggest takeaways from being a mom thus far is that you will literally have to come face to face with healing your inner child through raising your child. Whatever fears, anxieties, thoughts or patterns that caused triggers for you as a child, will come up in some way, shape, or form through raising your child. While this may be a scary and unnerving thought to some, I truly feel that we can heal ourselves through facing those pivotal moments with our children, simply by being what we needed in those times as a child.

What are some things you needed as a child but did not receive? If you are a parent now, how do you go about giving those things to your child?

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success : January Book Review

Hey Yal! Happy February finally!!

Can we just acknowledge how long January was! It was so damn long for no reason LOL. It was so long that I still didn’t even start my January book reading until this past Monday. ( I know, I know, I’m working on my procrastination!)

One of my goals for the 202o was to read more! I set a goal of one book a month, which may be fairly easy for some but is a decent start for me. I have a really bad habit of buying books I am interested in, starting them and never finishing! This is exactly what I did with the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, actually.

I started this book back in August during a hair appointment and never finished. A few times after that, I picked up the book again but I could not keep interest. I truly believe that we receive information when its meant for us and when we are ready to internalize and digest it, so I didn’t force it. I have been going through some growing pains lately with my mindset surrounding intentions and manifesting and I figured this would be the perfect time to pick the book up.

I needed to reset and get a new outlook on a few things and this book definitely helped. For the first time in a long time, I found a book I didn’t want to put down, I took endless notes, and reflected on how I can make certain changes in my life. This book put me back in the mood for reading again, and caused me to become hyper aware of my thoughts and actions that I put out into the universe.

Deepak Chopra says there are 7 Spiritual Laws that can help us with the fulfillment of our dreams:

  • Law of Pure Potentiality
  • Law of Giving
  • Law of Karma
  • Law of Least Effort
  • Law of Intention/Desire
  • Law of Detachment
  • Law of Dharma

Now I’m not going to go through the meaning and premise behind every law just incase you want to pick this book up for a 2020 read, But I will share my favorite law and the law I feel I need to work on the most.

My favorite law is actually the Seventh law, Law of “Dharma”, also known as your purpose in life.

This law is set to remind us that there is something YOU can do better than anyone else in the whole world. When you combine expressing the talent that you have with fulfilling the needs of others, you create unlimited wealth and abundance.

I am a service based person by nature. I feel fulfilled when I serve and assist others. This law really helped me apply a different perspective into that fulfillment though. Instead of always looking for the biggest, most impactful moments and ways I can help others, I can now approach every day with the questions of “How can I help those I come into contact with?” and “How can I serve humanity?” because there is an opportunity in everyday. I no longer have to wait for specific moments, or jobs, or events. I can serve others every second of the day if I want to. I probably already do this unknowingly, but the book helped open my eyes to that realization. To find the opportunities in every moment. Even the unfavorable ones.

The Law that I struggle with the most though, would have to be the Law of Detachment. With this law, in order to acquire anything in the universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it. You don’t release your intention or desire behind your goal, just your attachment to the result. As soon as I read this, I knew this was why I had some blockages with intentions and manifesting.

As humans, we get so caught up in wanting something so bad, or where we want to be that we totally lose sight of the present, the current journey we are in and the beauty of it. The “scenic route” to our dreams in a sense. If you are anything like me, letting go and detaching is a struggle, but we’re literally prolonging our process by avoiding this step. Through detachment you learn so much. There will be moments of uncertainty– but uncertainty is a reminder that we are on the right path. Uncertainty is our path to freedom and security.

This book was a great start off to a new year, and It is definitely one of those reads you’ll find yourself going back to every once in a while to get your shit together. If you are looking for a self-help, spiritually motivating book I would definitely recommend the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. It will help you see things from a different perspective, realizing the cause and effect behind your every thought and action. What are you reading for 2020? If you have any book suggestions for me please share!

Motherhood & Self-Care

So, it’s been about 5 months now that I have been home full-time with baby Dave and let me tell you chileeee, kudos to the moms who are at home with their kids all day. ESPECIALLY those moms with toddlers. I am praying for yal while praying for myself. LOL These toddlers are no joke.

Since I’ve been home, I have been extremely focused on David, making sure we are reading, bonding, doing activities, cooking and trying to keep a clean house ( ALSO impossible AF with a toddler) and I’ve totally neglected myself.

Self-Care has not been a priority for me.

We see things about self care on social media everyday, from bubble baths to face masks, and we are told that we NEED to have self care and this is true in part. But the self-care may not come in the spa day type of methods we envision.

I’ve learned to get creative with my self care routines because my time and availability is different. Along with being a full-time mom and entrepreneur, my boyfriend also has a full-time job, and works on his passions and interests as well. So our schedules are busy most of the time, and he gladly takes over the ship when I’m running low on my self care meter- but then I am faced with the tasks of deciding do I want an at home mini spa day or to nap all damn day?

That’s when I realized the endless possibilities of self care and what it means.

Sometimes self care to me is as simple as a long shower, body scrub and face mask. Other times, it’s laying in bed binge watching Love & Hip-Hop, and other times it’s all three with a few glasses of wine and some food added. LOL.

It’s your prerogative. It’s what makes you feel fulfilled, reset and rejuvanated. As moms, hell ANYBODY, we cannot do it all! You need to take time for yourself before you can help others. In the case of an emergency on a flight, you’re literally instructed to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help your child or anyone else.

How helpful are you to anyone if you are not your best self?

Something I literally have to remind myself everyday.

What are some of your favorite forms of self care? I wanna know! I Challenge you to do ATLEAST one of these things a week, and then increase the number- and see how that makes you feel. Happy self care Sunday !

2020 : Accountability

Hey Y’all! Happy New Year!

Every time a new year comes around, everyone starts to list a scroll of resolutions or goals that they want to accomplish in the new year. Myself included. Over the years, by at least March, I would realize my goals seemed to be unattainable or I simply forgot about them!

For some people, not accomplishing those goals can be a real attack to their confidence and self esteem, but it’s really a key to making sure those goals get accomplished once everyone is over the “New Year, New Me” high. Yeah, you have to make sure y0ur goals are S.M.A.R.T – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-Based, but the secret is having accountability, or that S.M.A.R.T shit wont matter either.

Accountability – A noun that describes accepting responsibility.

Accountability can come in many different tools and apps, but the most effective form that I am seeing and implementing for myself this year is through a group of like minded individuals. Emphasis on like minded. OK? Everyone has friends, but those friends are not always on the same wavelength or may not have the same passions, goals or interests as you. So when you find that like minded tribe, thats when you strike gold!

Entrepreneurs, Creatives, Goal Driven, and Determined individuals that are all striving to achieve something! Anyone that has a passion to get better at whatever it is they’re doing, anyone that has a strength in an opportunity or weakness you have for yourself and want to work on- These are the people you want to have as accountability partners. Sure I am a blogger and doula, and I can easily find other bloggers and doulas to hold me accountable for certain business goals, but it also doesn’t hurt to have entrepreneurs or creatives from all different backgrounds to help hold you accountable. With getting input from people that are from different backgrounds, you get a different perspective and the ability to see things in a different light. All things that are super helpful for your business, goals and ideas.

So for this new year in 2020, I do have goals and ideas but I’m learning how to better execute to save myself that feeling of defeat if I can’t scratch everything off my list. The first thing being instead of overwhelming myself with a list of shit to look at for the entire year, I’ll cut those goals down into bite size pieces and focus on my quarterly goals. It gives me a specific window of time to work with which lowers my stress and anxiety. ( Again this works for me, Do what works for YOU!) And secondly- curating a tribe of people that I know are good in some of the areas that I’m not very comfortable in to help hold me accountable in achieving those goals I’ve set for myself. This does not mean that they are micro-managing me or even doing the work for me, but they are like a “coach” so to speak. Reminding me to focus on my goals when I’ve slipped up and providing insight and advice here and there as needed.

As millennials we have an advantage as our generation is full of creatives and we are just wired different! You are bound to find someone that support you, your goals, your mission, and dreams. I guarantee with an accountability partner ( or group) you’ll be sure to reach your goals and even expand your thought process around achieving them. There is a certain strength in numbers especially when you surround yourself with people that are where you want to be or better! You have no choice but to subconsciously level up and get your shit together!

Cheers to 2020 and manifesting the life we want to live in this next decade and beyond! We have all the tools we need to get to where we want to be, but sometimes we need those reminders or people to support us on our journey. I hope you find your tribe! Im rooting for you!

Unplugged.

Our generation is so prone to being overstimulated. From social media, to texts, and constant push notifications, we get so much information at once. We are exposed to so many different viewpoints, opinions, tragic news and trauma, that stuff can take a toll on you after a while, seeing it constantly day in a day out.

At the beginning of the month, I felt a huge urge to unplug myself. Take a minute to talk to myself, meditate, get a grasp on my feelings and thoughts and just unplug. I deleted my social media accounts, and I haven’t really been talking to anyone that much. Not as a means to shut anyone out, but I felt on my heart thats what needed to be done to really tap into myself, no distractions, just me and my feelings.

For a few months now, I’ve been feeling like I’m preparing for some sort of breakthrough. And with any blessing, breakthroughs and changes, you have to clear your space, make room and be prepared to receive what is coming for you, and I am doing just that.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the fast paced day to day life, of what you have to accomplish, what you have to get done, what’s happening on social media and what’s going on in your friends life, but when was the last time you tapped in and checked on yourself?

I felt that I was neglecting myself and I knew that I had to take some time for me. And if taking time for myself is not a good enough excuse for me to actually do it, I always remind myself – I wont be any good to anyone- my friends, or my family if I am not good myself.

So here I am, a few days into being unplugged and since I am introvert at heart, I am okay with the silence. I’ve just been listening to my inner self and my body and doing whatever I want to do. I’ll sit and relax and just color with my son for hours, or work on pitches and blog posts if my heart desires. I am setting boundaries for myself and with others. This time away from social media thus far has shown me how much we are actually dependent on it and how much it is used just during ourspare time. And since its been off my phone, I’m listening to more podcasts and just pouring into myself now.

It’s time to focus on our goals and manifestations for 2020 and preparing yourself to receive.

So, again- When was the last time you unplugged?

Chapter 27

Y’all – I have been MIA and I AM SORRY!

November is easily one of the most busiest months of the year for myself and my family but we made it through. Well, almost. Lmao

Besides my son’s birthday and Thanksgiving, my birthday is also in November! I don’t do too much for my birthday anymore since my son and I are 9 days apart. By the time his parties are planned and over with , I have no energy to worry about my own. I always come up with an idea and then I get overwhelmed and uninterested with the actual planning part. The older I get though, the more I just spend my birthdays reflecting on life and being thankful for being here another year.

This year, my boyfriend took me to one of my favorite spots in Detroit, Savannah Blue.

Savannah Blue is a black owned business in Downtown Detroit that I think my mom got me hip to a few years back. If I had to classify their menu, its more of an upscale soul food restaurant. With dim lighting and candles at every table, it’s definitely a date vibe. Their drinks are pretty good too.

If you follow me on Instagram, I posted the dish I get almost every time I go Lol – The Braised oxtails with cheddar risotto, a seasonal vegetable & crispy fried onions.

Coming here was the first time I ever tried oxtails. I LOVE risotto so that was really the first thing that attracted me to the dish. Once I tried it though, I literally continue to get it every single time ! It is a very rich & flavorful dish. From the cheddar risotto to the flavors in the oxtails. It is good AF okay!

All in all though – 26 (along with any other year) was filled with plenty ups and downs. From quitting my job to becoming a doula & Motherhood & lifestyle blogger, I feel like I made some great strides towards my personal wellbeing & overall happiness. The closer I get to 30 though , the more I attempt to be gentle with myself and break away from the mental timelines I created for my twenties and myself in general.

I’m learning to trust myself more — my thoughts, my intuition, my abilities.. everything. EVERY TIME I second guess myself, something happens to serve as a reminder that everything was written way before me, and will work itself out. Though its easier said then done when you’re actually in those fucked up pockets of life, I always try to remember that. It hasn’t failed me, til this day.

So here’s to a more insightful, awakened, determined, driven, and sore kneed version of myself. Chapter 27. ( That feels weird to say. I still can’t believe I’m 27! ) I am excited to see what this chapter has in store for me. . Lord willing!

Manifesting Health , Wealth & Abundance. ✨

Xoxo Anjail

Mompreneur and Me Interview

I recently did an interview for Mompreneur & Me, a platform dedicated to creating networking events and social gatherings for the everyday working mom. Mompreneur & Me recently started a Mom Monday Spotlight Series in which I was asked to share some information about myself and my businesses.

Take a look at the interview below! If you’d like to get more information about Mompreneur & Me, and their efforts for working moms, click here!

To view the interview post via Facebook, click here!

1.Tell us a little bit about yourself.

My name is Anjail Lynn, and I am a millennial mama from Detroit, MI. I have a toddler named David Jr. who keeps me busy and on my toes at all times! I recently transitioned from my full time role in corporate America in order to be more hands on with the growth and development of my son, while focusing on my passions and interests. I would like to call myself a millennial mother advocate, which led to me to co-founding a social mom-group, Millennials Milf’n, dedicated to connecting millennial mothers through the sisterhood of motherhood, and creating Eternal Sunshine Doula Services, in which I provide birth and postpartum support to women in the Metro Detroit area.

2. Why did you become a #doula?

I wanted to become a doula shortly after the birth of my son. I actually wanted a doula for my birth, but I did not do any research assuming that it would be an expense that I could not afford due to being a first time mother and not knowing what to expect with having a new baby. My pregnancy itself was fairly smooth, and after delivering my son, I felt an extreme sense of accomplishment. That if I could birth a human, I can literally do anything I put my mind to. I wanted to be for other women what I had during my pregnancy, labor and delivery. My family and friends were very supportive and helpful, and I understand that all women do not have that strong support system when they need it most. That was the seed that grew into me wanting to become a doula.

3. How long have you been a doula?

I have actually been a doula since about June of this year.

4. How many moms do you help at once?

It really depends on the due date of my clients and if that month is a busy month for me personally as well. Since I am still a pretty new doula, I would only take a set number of moms that are due in the same month. I want to make sure that all of my clients have my undivided attention and support, and birth is one of those things that you cannot plan! A due date is just an estimated projection of when the baby is expected to arrive, but the baby can choose to come as early or as late as he/she likes. I keep that in mind as well when booking my clients to ensure I am able to attend every birth.

5. Can you give any advice on how one can become a doula?

Yes! My advice would be to first do your research. A lot of people mix up the responsibilities of a doula and a midwife and how they support the birthing person.

A doula is solely emotional and physical support for the mother during pregnancy, labor, and delivery and is strictly non-medical. Where a midwife is medically trained to provide health care for the mother and actually deliver the baby. Once you have that understanding, you can then look into the different organizations there are in your area in which you can take your doula classes and become certified. 

6. What is one thing you know now that you wish you knew at the beginning of motherhood?

One thing I wish I knew at the beginning of motherhood.. That is a tough question! I would say that there is no rulebook or answer key for motherhood. While you can ask many mothers before you for advice about certain things and scenarios, you literally don’t know until you go through every situation for yourself, and keep in mind that every child is different. What may work for someone else’s child may not work for yours. Children are humans too and have their own needs/wants & personalities.

7. How has being a mother impacted your work?

Being a mother has caused me to become super focused and intentional with my time and my work. If it is something that is not pouring into my goals and passions I don’t want to give it my time or energy! Motherhood has also kicked my organizational skills up 100%. As a mother every hour of every day is easily accounted for quickly so you have to stay organized and plan your day. If I’m not utilizing my planner, reminders on my phone, and phone calendars, I feel so unorganized and overwhelmed!

8. What is you number one tip or advice for a new moms out there?

My number one piece of advice for new moms is to be patient with yourself and don’t compare yourself to other moms that you may see in person or on social media that seem like they have it all figured out. You never know someone’s struggle behind closed doors. Don’t ever compare yourself. Move at your own pace and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it !

9. What is one of your favorite books?

One of my favorite books is the “Year of the Yes” by Shonda Rhimes. I am an introvert and the book really shed light on how getting outside of your comfort zone and saying yes to opportunities and situations you would normally turn down has the power to literally change your life.

10. What is one thing you do for yourself to relax and unwind?

If I am looking to relax or unwind I love to take a nice hot bath, play some good music and have some good wine! I also love to Netflix and chill. I’m always down to watch a good movie or new series!


Thank you Mompreneur & Me, and Christine Carter for the opportunity!

How motherhood changed my life.

If you’re currently pregnant or even someone that doesn’t have children, you’ve probably heard your mom, cousin, aunt, sister, etc. talk about how having a baby changed them as a person.

It’s LITERALLY the truth.

From the moment some women find out they are pregnant, they feel that’s when they become a mother. They start watching what they eat, talking and even bonding with a baby they feel but have not seen yet. For other women, that bond and sense of motherhood does not come until the baby arrives. No matter when it hits you though, I guarantee your life will change in someway.

The truth is, pregnancy and motherhood is not all roses and rainbows and that’s okay ! Don’t EVER compare your life or even your child to your favorite influencers on the internet. Everyone’s journey is different. You are not less of a woman or a mother if your pregnancy was not enjoyable to you, or if you have moments of doubt and uncertainty about yourself & your capability to raise a human. Motherhood is hard a lot of days, and it’s way more then the posts you see of cute, cuddly babies. Sometimes they don’t sleep, you don’t get ANY personal space or private time or you’re just plain tired. It’s OK. We’ve all been there.

Honestly, from the moment I had my son, I over thought And worried about every little thing you can possibly think of. If he’d like me as a mom, if I’d be a good mom, & being SUPER conscious of the things I did not like during my childhood to be sure to nurture & support him differently. From that moment I had to realize my son, although he is my child– is completely different than me. He is his OWN person. The things I may have needed in my life as a child, he may not. The things I did not need or desire as a kid, he may. As parents we try to fill our kids with the voids that we once had as children but we can’t project our needs and our traumas on to them. It’s not fair.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a answer key to motherhood. As mothers, we just learn as we go, and grow with our child. It’s important to pay attention to the wants and needs of your child so that you can be the parent they need you to be, not the parent you want to be. There’s a difference. Use this as a reminder to be easy on yourself, be forgiving of whatever opportunities you see within yourself as a parent and just be mindful of your child in the process.

Take a deep breath and know that everything is going to be okay! You got this. The truth about motherhood is its not easy, but it is damn sure rewarding, and fulfilling. You’ll learn a lot about yourself through the birth of a child. Your journey of motherhood is yours!

20 Somethings

*Queues* 20 Something by Sza

Do yal remember back in high school when we thought we would have our shit together in our 20’s? How we thought we would have our dream job, married with kids, and just have this life shit figured out?! Lmao what a joke.

I’ll be 27 soon, (WTF) and my entire 20’s have been dedicated to learning, discovering, growth, and just finding out who I am as a person. And let me just say, I do NOT have my shit together. LOL

I honestly have a very hard time with embracing the unknown and the unfortunate part about that is THATS LIFE! In this season in my life a lot is unknown and I am left with trusting myself, having faith and perseverance. (And let me tell you how hard that is for me LOL.)

I am a scorpio, (virgo moon) and I am very much so a planner, and very detailed oriented. If you tell me we going somewhere, I need to know where, when, what time I need to be there, so I can plan my route, plan what I’m wearing, and calculate what time I need to start getting ready the day of so that I can be on time. So to be in this chapter where I am literally being forced to embrace and become one with the unknown is ghetto AF. I know that it will have a beautiful outcome and I will have a testimony in the end but it is draining AF sometimes for sure.

What I want to start working on, that will probably help other 2o somethings out there– is focusing on everything that I have accomplished. Often times, we are so consumed with the things we do not have, the goals we have yet to accomplish, and the places we have not yet been, that we lose sight of the present moments and blessings that we have received.

I am super guilty of this.

The next time you are feeling down, or doubting yourself and your journey, (myself included) write down some of your biggest accomplishments to date. If you can’t think that far back, try this every quarter or even every month. It is time for us to celebrate our wins, but in moderation of course. Don’t get so caught up in celebrating your wins that you lose your momentum and slow down. Celebrate what you’ve accomplished and keep pushing, the marathon continues.

Anjail Lynn : The Blogger

Hey Yal! Welcome to my blog! For those of you that know me, Heyyyyy and for those who don’t know me just yet– don’t worry we will become best friends through this blog!

As you already know, because my blog is self-titled, LOL my name is Anjail Lynn. To give you a little background story on me in a condensed blog post, I am 26 years old going on 80, (no really I am so sore and achy all the time! I need them Megan the stallion knees! Ok let me get back on topic).

I am a mother to a very smart, inquisitive & handsome toddler named David Jr. — you all will get to know him as Baby Dave, a girlfriend to one of the most hardworking, dedicated (and stubborn) man in the world David Sr. ( I can’t take y’all Tauruses) and I have recently assumed the role of a full-time mom-preneur.

In August of 2019, I was given an ultimatum by my job regarding my PTO (or lack thereof) and a trip I had planned some months ago. It all boiled down to a matter of choosing between attending the trip and remaining at my job, and obviously you can see what my answer was LMAO.

To some, that may seem like an irrational, quick minded decision but I was OVER that job and it was the opportunity I needed to get out. I’m not a quitter, so I did not want to quit, but at the same time, my role was no longer serving me. All I truly knew was that staying there prevented me from being happy, from being fulfilled, and from pouring into my man, my son and most importantly MYSELF. You literally CANNOT pour from an empty cup, and chile my cup was EMPTY! BONE DRY!

Anywho– my message here is not at all to quit your day job aimlessly and not have a plan. With the support and sacrifice of my family, I was able to take that leap of faith and here we are.

Straight out of high school, I went the route everyone else wanted me to go, which was to college to get a degree and then get a “good job.” Everything I’ve went through in my life taught me something valuable for sure, and I met some great people along the way too but it was time for me to make a decision for myself.

I don’t know whats next in this chapter of my life, but if I had to give it a title, it would be “Walk by Faith, not by Sight.”

At this point- I am solely focusing on what makes ME happy so that I can pour that same energy ten fold into myself and my family. I am trying to give my son a childhood that he does not have to recover from!

With that being said though, I wanted to create this blog as an outlet for myself, and therapy for others. It’s so much that you and the next person may have in common but you would never know because people are so ashamed or scared to tell their story most of the time. You never know who your testimony can inspire!

My blog is for any and everyone that is willing to read and take a glimpse into my thoughts and everyday life but my content is geared towards the everyday black millennial woman, that likes to eat, turn up with her friends every now and again & has a Phd in trap music. LMAO. (And that may end a few relatable statements with PERIOD, period.)

Through this blog, you will get to learn more about Anjail Lynn the woman, the mama, the foodie, and the doula (yes I help women bring their babies in to the world!) while I share my truths, opinions, and views on everyday life and situations. Through my own lens, I hope you can connect and find some sense of comfort in my stories. Here’s to my first blog post and the start of our new friendship!